Winter break is supposed to give you a
little breathing room, some time away from the intellectual vacuum of
grad school. I was nervous that I wouldn't be able to
leave TESL alone for a few weeks. I brought a few readings home so
that I could do a little prep work for teaching the ESL section of
English Composition next semester.
Not only was I able to completely file
away TESL since I left Flagstaff, but I also am experiencing a
strange homesickness for Nebraska. “The Good Life” it seems has a
particular charm that no amount of intellectual stimulation can
compete with. It has been so nice to eat with my family, watch Law
and Order, and talk about anything but TESL. I've written before
about the appeal of Nebraskan simplicity. Life moves from birth to
school to marriage to parenthood to grandparenthood almost
invariably, and there is something deeply comforting in following the
path. I suppose all my sentimental longings for Nebraska boil down to
my family and boyfriend living good lives here. But in this romanticized brain of mine, the only logical
solution appears to be quit school, move home, get married, ...wait,
nope. That's a terrible idea. Since when do I prefer the well-trodden path?
Over a few cups of Barista's (best
place in Kearney, NE) coffee, I talked this over with a former Writing
Center colleague. Since Kearney, he has begun grad school in
Riverside, California studying Political Science. California shows in
his beard, trimmed-up physique, and general neo-hippie attitudes
about the world. I can relate to the West Coast influences, as one of
my resolutions is to eat a mostly plant-based diet (note: I didn't
say vegetarian—that's a four-letter word in Nebraska). Our
conversation began with how wonderful our new residences were, and
how backward some Nebraskans can be, but as we got talking, our
conversation nearly reversed itself. Nebraska is a great place to be
from, we agreed, and we are much better prepared for the world
because of our corn-fed roots. Although we plan to change the world
(albeit in small ways), I think in our hearts we can't help but stay
Nebraskan.
Even beyond my longing for my hometown,
I remembered how untamed Nebraska can be. My boyfriend's family owns
some land outside North Platte, NE. This isn't the typical Nebraskan
landscape either. Nope, no cornfields in sight, and instead
canyon-like formations with deep draws and well-worn cattle trails.
If you've been following this blog for any length of time, you
already know that I have the desire for adventure, but maybe not the
courage (or proper footwear) to rough-it. Under the guise that hiking
his parents' land would be no harder than the local park, I agreed to
accompany him and his dad. As we bounced along the frozen mud in the
pick-up, I realized that maybe I was in for something more
challenging. Indeed, about two hours later, I found myself stuck
halfway up the side of one of these mini limestone canyons, clinging
to a tree trunk. Don't get me wrong, I love an adventure,
especially when there is an element of danger (mountain lion,
darkness, ice, ect.) involved, but I want a hot meal and shower when
I get home—which is exactly what my boyfriend's mom cooked up!
I'm not too sure what that last
anecdote had to do with my sudden longing for Nebraska. If it's adventure I seek, Flagstaff has
some of the best hiking in the world. Spending time with my boyfriend
and his family may have had more to do with my enjoyment than the icy
draws we slid down.
So besides a break from the world of Applied Linguistics, winter break has reminded me of what I'm missing
in Flagstaff. Family. My one-track (TESL) mind seems to sometimes forget how
important these people are. I have been envisioning my
career as an ESL teacher taking me around the world to faraway places
with exotic food and low GDP's. During this winter break, I've
started to wonder if the lifestyle of a wanderer can satisfy my need
for family. Will I miss out on my brother growing up? What about my
Grandparents? What am I giving up if I go? What about if I don't go?
I know that no job is forever and that
things work out, no matter what I decide to do, but the decisions
about work and life that I will have to make within the next two
years are starting to seem more real than ever. Never mind a break
from books and articles, this is just a way to make me second guess
everything! Thanks, winter break.
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