February 25, 2011

I want to be--your sledgehammer

Although my eyestrain is making this very unpleasant, I want to write about my first day as a Home Depot employee.

The eyestrain, dear reader, is from the web-based training I did today during which I learned some basics about Home Depot policy and Garden Care. I am a firm believer in sufficient training and Home Depot is not going to disappoint me. From what the other employees tell me, I've got several more days of eyeball-puckering computer screen staring before I even get my cute little orange apron.

The best part of the day was the popular music tracks playing throughout the giant store. As I rounded the corner to the long, wide hallway to the time clock, the brassy riff of Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer" set the perfect soundtrack for my strutting through a home improvement store next to a bunch of ladders.

The training hasn't covered sledgehammers yet, but I have a feeling I will learn about all kinds of demolition equipment in the coming days. In the meantime, I am already prepared to assist customers with many important decisions. Do you want a perennial or an annual plant? How about a light duty electric chainsaw? Need a commercial-grade weed whacker? Maybe some gloves to complete your purchase? I learned a lot today.

A few Visine drops, and I'm sure I'll be dreaming of begonias and ferns and the scent of freshly cut lumber, the hum of fork lifts, and the sweet sound of money in the bank. And Peter Gabriel, too.