June 2, 2011

Berlin, The Murderous Tuxedo Cat

My cat Berlin is a murderer.

While I've always preferred Tom to Jerry (And Ben and Jerry's above all), I can't help but feel a little sad for Berlin's mouse victims. Each morning, one of her "trophies" has been carefully placed upon the rug in our garage. But this morning she showed us her potential as an exterminator. Not only did she snatch the biggest mouse I've ever seen, but also she killed a smaller second mouse and brought the guts and severed head of a third. The bodies or pieces thereof were laid in a neat row on our cheery welcome mat--now the killing field of a sinister ruler.

Grossed out, but extremely proud of my baby, I collected the mouse bodies on a rusty shovel and tossed them into the tall grasses behind our lot. A mass grave.

I don't know much about the mindset of a house cat, but I like to think that Berlin is trying to provide for our family--she nearly brought a mouse for each of us. Maybe she is just showing off her hunting prowess. Or perhaps she just wants to she us squirm as we forget and step on a pile of still warm mouse parts. Most likely she is an instinctual hunter, but since she is fed daily, eating the kill just isn't necessary. Who wants field mouse when you can have Classic Pate? Whatever the case, Berlin has a talent for the hunt and our neighborhood will be free of small rodents in no time.

Beyond the icky factor of picking up the bodies is the ultimate grossness of seeing what happens when your cat eats the bugs that live on mice. OMG! Berlin, what is that white thing crawling out of your butt? Worms are a common, though still unnerving feline affliction. They look like little moving rice grains. A simple pill from the vet clears your cat up, but you can never erase the image of worms seeing daylight for the first time from underneath a tail.

Did I mention that having a cat is part of the South Beach Diet? No mice or rice allowed! Ben and Jerry's is out too, sorry.